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How To Fight to Win

The Benefits of Conflict There is only one way to avoid conflict in this life, and that is to avoid people. But in spite of the fact that conflict is almost synonymous with trouble, there are really a number of good things to be said for it. First, conflict is a good way to discover …
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Intimacy and Reactivity

A comparison with physical phenomena will help explain what I mean by emotional reactivity. Some chemicals are highly reactive with one another, while others are only moderately reactive, and still others totally non-reactive. For example, some metals such as gold are completely non-reactive to air or water. Iron is somewhat reactive to oxygen, and it …
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Choosing Your Counselor

Moderate Problems: If your problems are poor communication and problem-solving, but neither is considering divorce, marital counseling can help. However, it is important that you find the right therapist. Sadly there are therapists who give up on marriage too quickly and who will suggest that you get a divorce. You want a therapist who believes …
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Enemies of Marital Intimacy

We want initmacy–that is why we get married. But it is dangerous. Get too close and there is a danger of either being hurt by rejection or by being smothered and controlled. So we protect ourselves either by clinging or by withdrawing. These defensive reactions feed each other. The person who is afraid of rejection …
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