Good News, Bad News, and Really Good News

Socrates paid marriage a rather back handed compliment when he said that every man should get married because, “If he gets a good wife, he will be happy. If he gets a bad wife, he will become a philosopher.”

There has always been, it appears, those who take a rather jaundiced view of marriage. So it is today we find many how hold a very cynical view of marriage. According to its detractors, marriage is a temporary, unworkable trap whereby two romantic fools suck the life out of each other and make each other miserable. Furthermore:

• Marriage does not work.
• Marriage is temporary.
• Marriage makes people miserable
• Marriage is a trap to confine women and oppress them.
• Marriage ruins sex.
• Marriage keeps people from realizing their full potential.
• Marriage institutionalizes men’s abuse of women.
• Marriage makes people less satisfied and more unhappy.

In spite of the cynics there is truly some good news about marriage. When you marry you are getting in on one of the greatest, most awesome, blessings God has ever bestowed upon the human race. After God created humankind to care for the fabulous garden in which he lived, he understood right away that being human, which means being made in the image of God, would not work if there were only one sex.

Relationship is at the core of who God is. God is a Trinity of persons in perfect unity and fellowship: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Because we are made in God’s image, we too must be in relationship in order to be fully human. So God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen 2:18).

This is the good news about marriage. God noticed Adam’s aloneness and his need for relationship. Thus God gives man the woman. They complement one another perfectly. In their beautiful, blessed unity they stand buck naked before each other without shame.

This good news in the Bible about marriage is now being “discovered” by contemporary social science. Some of the extraordinary benefits of marriage include companionship and friendship, longer life, better health, more wealth, a higher standard of living, and greater emotional happiness and well being. So, my lovers, take cheer, for the good news is that in entering into this sacred union you are setting yourself up to enjoy these and other blessings too numerous to count.

Now for the bad news. After just pumping marriage it’s very hard to tell you the rest of the story. How can I say it? Let’s put it this way, quoting Ben Franklin: “You cannot pluck roses without fear of thorns, nor enjoy a fair wife without danger of horns.” Yes, marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.

The bad news is that marriage generates some of the most awesome and scary emotional thunderstorms you will ever experience. Marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever undertake. Fulfilling your vows to love, honor and cherish each other for better or worse will be far and away the single most difficult task you will undertake in this life.

Marriage is hard. On your wedding day you have only begun to climb the Mt. Everest of marriage. In your vows you swear to love, honor and cherish this person beside you for the rest of your natural life. I know, at the altar she looks absolutely beautiful and he is unspeakably handsome, but sooner or later your spouse will show you his/her true colors, and some of those colors will not be pretty. You will discover that you will become more angry at him or her than anyone else in your life. There will be times when you will positively hate the sight of the person whose hand you now hold. That’s the bad news.

Now for the really good news. The really good news is that the bad news is bad news only in the short run. The very difficulty of marriage, the part about it that will cause you the most distress, will in the long run prove the greatest blessing–if you can stand the heat. The difficulties of marriage have the potential to become the means by which God will grow you up into the most beautiful, mature human beings imaginable.

There is a basic life principle, encapsulated in the trite but true saying, “No pain, no gain.” The difficulty of marriage, the emotional pain it can and surely will engender, can become the means by which you become the kind of person that deep down you always wanted to be: strong, caring, patient, sensitive, and self controlled.

The intense heat generated by your marriage will be the crucible in which you can be purified. This is the really good news about marriage. Besides the blessing of companionship, it can become the means of making you into the kind of man or woman you ought to be. Marriage is the place where you can become a real saint–if you can stand the heat.